tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18311428.post113032720020591242..comments2008-11-13T06:22:43.786Zpundyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08953515400835290781noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18311428.post-1141496712870233782006-03-04T18:25:00.000Z2006-03-04T18:25:00.000ZWhat about some "shortening"?<BR/><BR/>"Five minutes later Alan Tait, the senior business director from the bank, who Nick had dealt with ever since he had founded the business fifteen years before, smiled self-consciously as he walked into the room with his right hand extended. “No chance of a game today,” he said, nodding at the view through the picture window as he avoided direct eye contact."<BR/><BR/><BR/>seems too long-winded (to me).<BR/><BR/>It would prefer to read somethig like:<BR/><BR/>"Five minutes later, the senior business director Alan Tait entered the room. “No chance of a game today,” he said, smiling self-consciously and nodding at the view through the window as he avoided direct eye contact."<BR/><BR/><BR/>The fact that X founded the business fifteen years before, etc, etc, could be discreetly said somewhere else (also in preferably shorter sentences).<BR/><BR/>reader xreader xnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18311428.post-1141424078880672302006-03-03T22:14:00.000Z2006-03-03T22:14:00.000ZAnother one...jtanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18311428.post-1131044449280348922005-11-03T19:00:00.000Z2005-11-03T19:00:00.000ZWell, you've got me hooked.Bottle Rocket Fire Alarmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04862115529557536501noreply@blogger.com